Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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