The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize