I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
