You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
