Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
