i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
