i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize