sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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