please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Terrible idea I love it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
