Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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