Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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