She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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