Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
