Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
