The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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