i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
