I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Your mouth is God's brothel.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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