community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
