Got a toothbrush?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
