I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
