just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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