You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
