My friends, they love my intelligence
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
