I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
