I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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