Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize