i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
