This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
