i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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