I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
