This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think my fart just growled at me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
