Christians are straight up FREAKS
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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