I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
