Christians are straight up FREAKS
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize