um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
