oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
