So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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