i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just had sex bonerless
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
