If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
