God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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