im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
