There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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