Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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