so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
