People with herpes should wear stickers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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