Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
