I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize