why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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