So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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