theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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