I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
