My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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