i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
