I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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