coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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