i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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