i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
