I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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