I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
