is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
