I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
