So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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