when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
