is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
