it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
