But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
