you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
