he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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