Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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