I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
