I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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