This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
