I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
