Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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