i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
